So we’re in the middle of Lent/closing days. Frankly I’ve lost count. This post isn’t to pat myself on the back and stand like Pharisee in the street beating my chest. This is to come clean –

I miss TV. I miss the warm glow, the canned laughter, forced jokes, heavy-handed writing. I miss it all. And I hate myself for it.

You see, I’ve always heard that it takes 21 days to form a habit and well, I passed that a while ago. You’d think that by skipping out on TV since 2/13, I’d have reached some new plane of thinking. Some new level of enlightenment. All I’ve found is that I just want to watch some dang TV.

Lent is about giving up something to partake in Christ. To perhaps devote time to doing something better. I’ve been doing that and I still want TV. What does this say about me? Does this say that I’m a bad Christian? (I’m leaving this in for all of you that dislike Lent because it’s a “works” thing) Does it say I’m addicted to TV? I don’t know.

I feel like the Israelites – I’ve tasted something good, but I keep running back to the old way. To the comfortable instant gratification way. Growing up I’d always laugh at the Israelites of the Old Testament and say “What loons! God was right there with them and they kept running away. I would never do that!”

Then I grew up.

Then I realized that I do it every day. Every day I chose something over Him. Every day I act a fool in some way and besmirch his name. Why do I do this? Can I argue the Calvinistic approach of total depravity? Sure, why not? But that’s a copout answer. I think I do it because every day I get a little swagger in me (as I heard a friend recently say). That’s the best part of being human isn’t it? That we always think we know what’s best. My three kids are always so quick to correct me, because that’s what we do. This doesn’t make it right, but it makes it something.

So how do I fix this? I don’t. I tie myself to the Mast and weather the storm. I group myself with amazing godly people who edify and build up. Point out my flaws and generally make me better.

Now what to do about TV? Ask me Good Friday….if you can find me….I’m turning my phone off and watching TV for 36 hours straight.